Saturday, December 16, 2006

World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphins

When I saw the above headline on my homepage, I was rather harried, but I was compelled to take the time to click on it and find out what bizarre scenario would involve a giant dude rescuing aquatic life. If you are similarly compelled, you can check out the story here.

I was a little disappointed to see that the world's tallest man was only 7-9, or barely taller than the likes of Manute Bol, Shawn Bradley, or Yao Ming. I expected the world's tallest man to be around eight feet, since that's how tall professional wrestler Giant Gonzalez was said to be (though he was actually a relatively diminutive 7-6).

But my disappointment is tempered by excitement. I have a renewed faith in the human race's ingenuity. Previously, I feared that we had become beholden to a crippling over-reliance on technology. The vets involved tried to use mechanical instruments to extract the plastic, but instead of giving up, they thought outside of the box. Somewhere in their brainstorming sessions, somebody had a lot of courage to say, "Why don't we just call the tallest dude in the world and have them reach in there and pull it out by hand?" I wonder if that person felt trepidation when proffering this solution. Would they laugh at him for such a seemingly comic book response to the problem? If so, it doesn't really matter because he got the last laugh.

This entire incident makes me wonder if other problems can be solved through more old-fashioned means. How do you solve Middle East hostilities? Call in the funniest man in the world to loosen everybody up. How do you fix the national deficit? Call in the world's best accountant. (Actually, now that I think of it, Alan Greenspan was given carte blanche for years under the theory that he was the world's best economist). How do you find Osama bin Laden? Bring in the dude with the best eyesight in the world to Pakistan and have him start looking. (I hear Roger Daltrey can see for miles, so he might be the best person for the job). How do you the gas crisis? Call in the most flatulent dude in the world to create methane. (This could double as a plot for a Farrelly Brothers film).

So while some naysayers lament the tough challenges humanity faces, I have unbridled optimism that we are entering a new golden era of problem solving. Utopia is just around the corner.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

why hasn't remote viewing been used to locate Osama Bin Laden? Does anyone really think he's still alive?

7:26 PM  
Blogger Enjoy_Every_Sandwich said...

What I want to know is, who went, "I know how to solve this! Let's call in the world's largest man to stick his arms down the dolphin's throats and take out the pieces of plastic!"?

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha, robin. your funny. I want to know is, isn't Utopia a garbage dump from Antz?


11:59 AM  
Blogger Camille Dickerson said...

Hi this is Camille I am in Becky Kelley's class. Will you add me. I read the one that the tallest man saved the dophin. That was a very interesting blog, I have never heard of that before. I liked it a lot. Thanks, Camille

8:43 AM  

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