The Formative Transformation of a Certain Groom

Sorry for the recent infrequency of updates. Two out-of-state weddings on consecutive weekends takes a toll on free time, particularly when you have an already crushing workload. After my brother's Wisconsin wedding, I was off to the Twin Cities last weekend for the nuptials of a high school classmate.

Matt, the groom of the latter affair, asked me to blog about his wedding. "You don't understand," I tried to inform him, "I only write boring essayes on my blog. I'm not one of the types to actually speak about personal experiences, and certainly not about the raw emotions generally associated with sacred events such as this."

However, Matt is a salesman and is generally not given to concede anything once he has his mind set. "Just try to write something," he rejoined, inflecting just the right tone of voice to imply that if I didn't, I would succeed in forever tarnishing the pristine memories of his blessed weekend.

I suppose I could write a very entertaining blog about my travel adventures of the weekend, but I'd rather not re-live that. All I can say is that I don't know why anyone would ever book a flight when driving is even remotely an option, particularly since the advent of XM Radio.

So I guess I'll be forced to relate my impressions on how my old friend has changed over the years, and the significance of his coming to the altar. I have always enjoyed Matt's ability to adopt an ethos of nonconformity while at the same time pursuing an agenda of notoriety. Some of my favorite memories include his unsuccessful attempt to talk his way into a limo after we went to a Stones concert in 1999, followed by his successful attempt a few minutes later to talk a motorist into rolling down his window and offering him a bite of his doughnut. These examples of unabashed temerity were par for the course with him, and they were indicative of a roguish charm that he affected that allowed him to get away with pretty much anything.

I suppose I had a my share of temerity back in those days, as well, as evidenced by the stunts that we would sometimes pull in tandem. After a Brewer game in May of 1998, we staged a beautiful incident in the County Stadium parking lot in which he pretended to trip me and I sent a gigantic collection of scavenged stadium food in multiple directions. I vividly recall a motorist yelling "stupid drunks!" out the window of his Coke-splashed vehicle. The irony was that we were far from inebriated; neither one of us needed to be to exceed the boundary of rational behavior. For many people, this incident would have been a fitting denouement to the evening, but we weren't content. We next concocted a game in which I would block traffic and he would approach motorists and make them answer questions from a trivia book in order to pass. (We were quite surprised when a guy, without any hesitation, rattled off several states that begin and end with the same letter, e.g. Alaska).

Through these and many other adventures, the constant in Matt's personality was an element of control. He loved his friends, but he was always one to set the tone and manipulate the environment to maximize his experiences. Since he also had the uncanny knack to make other's feel comfortable, they wouldn't feel like they were sacrificing anything by ceding to him (I suppose these are the factors which enable him to be a successful salesman today).

I don't think it takes a psychologist to look at this profile and say that such a person may not be best suited to matrimony, to the type of compromises and concessions that a successful relationship requires. In other words, the guy who once bragged to me that he "doesn't back down" would need to find the ability to occasionally back down.

After observing his informal interactions with his new bride, I am convinced that they will have a wonderful life together. How can I be so sure? Let me cite one example: Matt had no idea where he was going on his honeymoon. She knew the arrangements, but he was told that it would be a surprise. The Matt I used to know wouldn't have accepted such a scenario.

Of course, there times when Matt's previous mantra of "not backing down" will come in handy. He related to me that the day of the wedding he told his bride, "Honey, this is just like a tattoo. It's forever." In a culture where many people say "I do" to a lifetime comment and then renege on it, you can be sure that when this guy says "I do," that he won't back down from the commitment that such a statement entails.